Balancing caregiving responsibilities with work and personal commitments is one of the toughest challenges many professionals face. Whether caring for a loved one with a serious illness or managing the demands of an extensive project portfolio, the emotional and mental strain can feel overwhelming. But what if the lessons learned through caregiving could transform not only your personal life but also your professional productivity?
In a recent Productivity Smarts Podcast, Dr. Delia Cara Monte, a leading integrative palliative care physician and author of Coping Courageously: A HeartCentered Guide for Navigating a Loved One’s Illness Without Losing Yourself, shared insights that resonate deeply with anyone striving to stay productive amidst life’s challenges. Her approach offers a roadmap to balancing caregiving, work, and personal wellbeing with resilience and purpose.
The Power of Facing the Darkness
How often do we avoid difficult realities, hoping they’ll go away on their own? In caregiving—and in life—this avoidance often leads to greater stress. Dr. Cara Monte emphasizes the importance of “facing the darkness,” a practice that involves acknowledging hard truths instead of suppressing them.
Imagine fear as a monster banging on your door. Holding the door shut takes all your energy, leaving you too exhausted to focus on anything else. But when you open the door and let the monster in, you reclaim your power. You don’t have to like its presence, but you can now go about your day—making dinner, connecting with loved ones, or tackling your work.
This practice of acknowledging and accepting challenges frees you from the draining cycle of avoidance. It’s a skill that project managers and caregivers alike can use to face tough situations with clarity and strength.
Fill Your Cup: The Secret to Sustained Productivity
Caregivers often give everything to others, leaving their own wellbeing as an afterthought. This leads to burnout—a state that’s all too familiar to professionals who overwork themselves. Dr. Cara Monte stresses the importance of “filling your cup” to maintain energy, focus, and emotional health.
Think about your energy levels like a cup. When it’s full, you’re at your best—calm, capable, and productive. When it’s empty, even simple tasks feel monumental. To keep your cup full, start by identifying what fills it (joyful activities, rest, and meaningful connections) and what drains it (conflicts, overwork, or lack of sleep).
For example:
Fillers: A 15minute walk, listening to music, practicing gratitude.
Drains: Worrying, skipping meals, lack of boundaries.
Take small steps to protect your energy—whether that’s scheduling downtime or asking for help. These habits ensure you have the stamina to meet life’s demands without losing yourself in the process.
Flirting with Forgiveness: Healing Relationships and Yourself
Caregiving often comes with complicated emotions, especially when the relationship with your loved one has a difficult history. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool—not just for the person you’re caring for, but for yourself.
Dr. Cara Monte calls this “flirting with forgiveness.” It’s not about forcing yourself to forgive overnight, but about exploring ways to let go of resentment or guilt. Start small: Write a letter, have a heartfelt conversation, or simply allow yourself to feel the emotions tied to the situation. This practice not only strengthens relationships but also lightens the emotional load, leaving you more focused and productive.
Create an Imperfect Plan
When caregiving responsibilities feel overwhelming, many people fall into the trap of trying to make everything perfect. Dr. Cara Monte advises against this. Instead, she recommends creating an “imperfect plan.”
Start by listing everything that needs to be done—doctor’s appointments, meal prep, household chores. Then, gather your support system (family, friends, or colleagues) and delegate tasks without judgment. Everyone brings different strengths to the table, and by allowing each person to contribute in their own way, you can cover more ground with less stress.
For project managers, this concept applies beautifully to work as well. By embracing collaboration and letting go of perfectionism, you free yourself to focus on what truly matters.
Focus on the Now
When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to get stuck ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Dr. Cara Monte shares a simple yet powerful exercise to bring yourself back to the present moment: Draw three words on a sticky note—“Past,” “Now,” and “Future.” Place it somewhere visible, like your desk or refrigerator.
Whenever you find your mind wandering to regrets about the past or fears about the future, refocus on the now. Use grounding techniques like deep breathing, naming what you see or hear, or paying attention to the sensations of your hands. Staying present reduces stress and improves decisionmaking, both at home and at work.
Leaving a Legacy: Finding Meaning in the Journey
Amidst the challenges of caregiving, there’s an opportunity to create something lasting and meaningful. Whether it’s recording your loved one’s stories, creating a family quilt, or writing heartfelt letters, these legacy projects bring a sense of purpose and connection.
Dr. Cara Monte shares examples of patients who used their final days to make a difference—like painting rocks to raise money for cancer research or crafting keepsakes for grandchildren. These projects provide a sense of closure and allow caregivers and families to cherish their time together, even during difficult moments.
For professionals, this principle applies to the workplace as well. Think about the legacy you want to leave in your career. Are you fostering a culture of support and innovation? Are you creating systems or processes that will outlast you? Legacy projects, whether personal or professional, give us a sense of purpose that fuels productivity.
Practical Steps for Managing Caregiving and Work
Here are actionable tips from Dr. Cara Monte’s book and interview to help you balance caregiving and productivity:
1. Set Boundaries: Communicate with your employer or team about your limits and availability. Clear boundaries prevent burnout.
2. Embrace Imperfection: Accept that not everything will go as planned—whether at work or in caregiving. Focus on progress, not perfection.
3. Practice Gratitude: Find small “flowers in the poop,” as Dr. Cara Monte puts it. Even during tough times, there’s always something to appreciate.
4. Leverage Support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether from family, friends, or professional services.
5. Focus on SelfCare: Prioritize activities that replenish your energy, like exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.
Finding Strength in Compassion
Caregiving teaches us some of life’s most valuable lessons: resilience, compassion, and the importance of living in the moment. These lessons aren’t just for caregivers—they’re for anyone looking to navigate challenges with grace and purpose.
If you’re ready to embrace these principles and unlock your full potential, start by asking yourself: What fills my cup? What legacy do I want to leave? And how can I focus on the now to make the most of today?
Let’s face the darkness together, one step at a time.
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